I get it.

I understand. Because they used to scare me, too.

When I first joined my church staff as Director of Women’s Ministries, my usually kind and sensitive mother said, “Now you have to attend women’s retreats.” A detail I had overlooked in my job acceptance.  Indeed, I would not only have to plan, but attend annual women’s retreats.

Most of my girlfriends loved retreats and looked forward to a weekend away from the routine of everyday life. I really did try to get on board. But truth be told, I preferred to stay home with my family. The idea of a women’s retreat brought to mind every insecurity I had suffered as a junior high school girl.  My fears were well founded, based upon tangible retreat-baggage I had accumulated over the years.  In hindsight, I now realize that the Lord took me through every difficult retreat experience to save you the same pain.  Let me explain…

Have you heard of the television show Disaster Dates? Well, another time, another place, years and years ago and definitely not at Crossline Church, I experienced a series of unfortunate retreat mishaps. Not in the form of a reality show like Disaster Dates. These were real life Retreat Disasters.

 Retreat Disaster #1: Invisible

Have you ever attended an event and you were just sure that no one ever noticed you were there? Yes, it happened to me~ at a women’s retreat, of course.  It felt to me like everyone else knew each other but I did not know a soul. They all saved seats for each other at every meal and every session, laying sweaters, Bibles and purses on chairs to block off sections of seats for their friends. I was stuck at the end of an aisle or the back of the room, by myself, left feeling like an outsider, the entire weekend.

Retreat Disaster #2: Where do you want me to sleep?

Different church. Many years later. We had just moved to California, so once again, I was the new girl. I drove to the retreat with a couple of really nice new friends, but was not assigned to room with them.  I walked to my room, determined to be brave and extend myself to more new friends, but imagine my horror when I opened the door of the room and discovered 2 queen size beds. You guessed it: 2 beds for 4 women. I had been assigned to share a bed with a woman I had never met! This story has a happy ending, though. Brenda did not snore, kick, or talk in her sleep. We have become the best of friends and love to tell the story of how we met: sharing a bed at a women’s retreat as total strangers.

Retreat Disaster #3: The Unexpected

Thankfully, I have never heard of this happening to anyone but me. I had to leave a women’s retreat because of an emergency with my son. He had been undergoing chemotherapy treatments for childhood cancer for more than a year and my family decided that I needed a weekend away with loving, Godly women. But you guessed it~ I did not know these women.  Brad had been diagnosed with cancer very soon after we moved to California and because of the intensity of his treatments and his weak immune system, I never left his side.  We were rarely able to attend our new church and I had not had opportunity to invest in any friendships. Reluctantly, I agreed to go to the retreat. My mother came to spend the weekend with my husband, to lend a hand in caring for our two young boys. The first night of the retreat really was wonderful and so were the girls I met, but early Saturday morning I got the call that Brad had been admitted to the hospital. A woman I had never met gave me her car keys and I drove her car down the mountain to spend the rest of that weekend in the hospital with Brad.

 Retreat Disaster #4: All tears, No giggles

Several more years passed. Brad had grown a full head of curly hair and was healthy~ we are still praising God for healing his cancer!  I decided to give this retreat-thing another go. This time I had friends to room with, including Brenda 🙂  I don’t remember a thing about the speaker, I just remember the general tone of the retreat: very, very serious. Lots of kleenex. Lots of tears. Now trust me. I know tears. I know heartache, that pain so deep that you can physically feel it. There is a whole back-story to my sweet Brad and life has not always been easy. Blessed, yes. But like yours I’m sure, full of challenges. There is a time for serious and a time for tears. God uses those times to bring healing and miracles and growth and to reveal Himself to us in ways we otherwise would never experience the depth and fullness of God’s love. But would I choose this tone for an entire weekend? No. I needed laughter and fun, too. I needed to be encouraged. Instead, I went home heavy hearted and discouraged.

Was there a purpose in experiencing all this retreat dysfunction? How could God possibly use all these retreat disasters for good? Ah, that is His specialty! He delights in showering us with His love and using every circumstance~ even the clumsy, awkward and difficult ones for our good and His glory. Stay tuned for the conclusion of my retreat sagas and the real bottom line:  How God has used all of my scary retreat experiences to benefit you and me, and all the women of Crossline.

“Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:24